THINK AGAIN

I could not explain why I am not feeling well right now. My chest feels like it is being punched. I breath but the air coming in is as if in minutes amounts. Is it because of the interview I had just now.i had doubts for going there but I just want to give it a shot. It is very disappointing that the panels especially the head really sucks. Questions made to kill a candidate. I assume that my chance have come from 50% down to a nil. If only I knew about this a few weeks earlier rather than knowing it yesterday, I might have been much more prepared. Non the less I just put my hopes to HIM for HE knows what is best for me. If I fail this post I still have perseverance to try again and wake get up standing again.

The beating kept coming on my chest though I have already know a reason for it. It might also be caused by the consequence I have befallen to myself due to going to the interview. I know that my boss won't like me going and leaving on such a day where my dept. have a meeting. It is as if welcoming a massacre after the holidays. I know I am always being hounded by my boss here and there every time she is in office making my life miserable that I made myself clear this is not where I belong and there must be a place for me to go other than here. That is why I went to this interview in the first place. Honestly I really like and love knowing that my current job is something that is really interesting. But what is making me sad is that my boss never support me but just demand this and that without thinking and telling me what should I do especially when I'm at lost with the task given. Some things are also beyond what I am capable of doing and that makes me feel very angry because I really do think she knows my CV all to well.

Looking at my life now. I am grateful to have a job right now. The current economic recession is really hitting this part of the world where the stock exchange is below 1k points. But there is in me that would like to seek a career that when I come to office I am happy at work. I miss having the same tenacity which was there during my last 2 years as an undergrad. Every time i come to faculty I am aware that there are tasks I need to finish off and took me a lot of researching and paper work to submit all the assignments etc. I miss those times that made me very sad when I reminisce those wonderful memories. I would also want my career to be built on that fuel. To work with passion an knowing the belief that I am in charcge and know what I am looking for none the less having someone to guide me especially when I need a few pointers not criticism which is discouraging that I get.

As I type this post along, the pounding have slowly reside but I know it still exist. I will be aware that the room for me to improve and search for other opportunities are there as long as I seek for it and make note for the mistakes during taking the cut in front of the panels. I will make sure my next interview will be a success and am certain in due time I will have a career built upon ideals that are already resides in me.